An Option for Exploration

For the past month my wife and I have been exploring the likelihood of reconciling our marriage. This was not a process I was willing to consider not too long ago, but a few things happened.
While listening to a few podcasts, I heard a few things that stuck out to me. A number of guests on various episodes talked about their spouses with praise, love and respect. I recalled there was a time that my wife and I could express such words about each other earlier on in our marriage. Praise, love and respect.
I imagined to myself on those car rides to and from work about what it would be like to be in a relationship where those three ingredients existed. Where I was mindful of my part in maintaining a positive relationship.
Was I capable? Did I want to be capable?
One guest on a podcast (I believe it was on the Jordan Harbinger show) said that “the marriage has to work because divorce isn’t an option”.
If you don’t make something an option, you can’t consider it in your plan.
Of course, I’m speaking in general terms. Sometimes, getting out of a bad relationship has to be an option to gain safety.
I had to leave and separate from my wife to gain safety. Distance was needed for both of us because we were being crushed under the weight of our destroyed relationship that was falling down.
Leaving had to be an option in order to save us as individuals.  And to salvage any hope that we could remain civil towards each other.
Divorce was an option, too. But it wasn’t at the top of the list. It was close but not at the top.
Over two years later, and continuing to maintain a civil, caring relationship for each other my wife and I are still in each other’s lives.
And I hear it mentioned on a podcast that divorce doesn’t have to be an option.
I didn’t have a plan to ask for reconciliation, but I figured that I would be more honest in our future conversations that I have considered it. And share what got me thinking about it.
Praise, love and respect. I know we still have these in our relationship. They got lost. They were not talked about. We were in pain and when you are suffering, you don’t pay attention to the other’s suffering.
We got selfish, and it destroyed the marriage.
We are reading books, listening to podcasts, and talking more deeply about our hurt. This has opened us to explore a new opportunity for a different marriage because we see there is hope. We have heard the stories of others who have been through horrific relationship tragedies and have come out the other side. They love stronger now more than before.
They put forth effort to reconnect in ways they didn’t think possible.
Tools. They were given tools.
We have begun a process and have been given a few tools. We continue to explore options to gain more tools.
This is a fearful, yet exciting time.
We continue to explore. Exploration into newness is the option we choose.

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